November's Chill
by OryssaV
Summary: Draco and his loved one are sitting by the river... short, on the angsty side. DM & SB pairing


**title**: November's Chill  
**author**: OryssaV  
**rating**: PG-13  
**pairings**: DM/SB  
**summary**: a little bit of romance between sirius black and draco malfoy  
**warning(s):** this story contains slash, i.e. male/male overtones; implied future character death  
**disclaimer**: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
**author's notes**: I wrote this before OotP came out, which obviously means that I didn't know Siri will die there. In this story he lives to be quite old.

-:-

I am startled out of my reverie by the sound of the front door banging loud as it shuts. I carefully mark the page and put my book away on the floor next to my chair. I call out Sirius's name but I hear only music playing in the kitchen quietly from the radio. I reckon Sirius has gone to his favorite spot, again. This would make a second episode this week. Something bothers him that much is obvious to me. Over the years he developed a habit of going to his spot for whatever reason: to think, to recall certain memories, or to calm down after we had a row.

I stretch my legs and wait for the pins and needles sensation to go away. I am not so young anymore. When I look in the mirror or every time I look at my husband I am painfully reminded of this fact. When I was younger I was terrified of getting up in years. Then again, I did not really pay attention to time flying by. With Sirius everyday was interesting and busy enough. It was when I noticed another wrinkle around my eyes, or another gray hair on Sirius head, or the moments when I noticed our children have grown some more that I saw time passing by. We all have changed so much.

It is agonizing to see Sirius age so much. Although after the war the years have been kinder to both of us, Azkaban marked my love in ways that sting far more deeply. All these years we've been together I've worked so hard on giving him (happy) memories to replace those he lost in Azkaban. Every time he smiled or laughed or sighed contentedly was a small victory to me. We've been with each other now for quite many years but he still surprises me to this day. I know his favorite foods; I know what will make him cry. But there are things that only I will know. I treasure those little secrets he allowed me to share with him deep inside of me. I have never quite understood him. But that makes me love him even more. And I would like it to stay that way forever.

But, unfortunately, forever is not granted us.

He worries. I tell him not to distress, everything that comes was bound to happen eventually. But now that we live alone again and his health is beginning to deteriorate I know he's afraid. I am afraid with him. Healers told us it will not take long for him to die. It was not unexpected news.

I leave the warmth of our house in search of my Sirius. Mine? He came to mean so much to me. I don't have many friends anymore. Sirius is the centre of my world. And although people have told me genuinely that I should go out more, and have fun more, I can't leave Sirius alone. The prospect of living widowed for many years after Sirius will leave me fills me with burning ache. I simply refuse to think I will live without him.

November wind chills my feet as I walk down the path along the brook. I wrap the sweater Mrs. Weasley knitted for me tightly around myself. It is an old present from an old lady whom I miss more than my own mother. It's dark already. The sun has set and everything has inky blue undertone. But despite that obstacle I see every little sprout and every little rock on my way. I walked this path so many times searching for Sirius that everything looks familiar. So many memories I have of this place, of this house and of this land. I close my eyes and see them, see me and Sirius in the difficult beginnings, our children, arguments, tears and smiles. It all is so vivid and tangible.

Soon I see Sirius's form outlined by the moonlight as he sits on the ridge and his bare feet are sinking in the water. The water itself must be freezing this time of the year. How can he stand the cold? He'll get sick, I think concerned.

Sirius would come here and stare at the water a lot. Sometimes he would feed the white swans with bread roll I baked or throw pebbles into the stream and watch the little water rings stretch until they'd disappeared completely. But not today. Today he just sits on the step in the ground and watches the bluish water roll around his feet as it passes by.

I come soundlessly to his side and drop myself on the frosted grass. He doesn't acknowledge my presence. I don't expect him to.

We watch the creek together now. I clasp his wrinkled hand into mine. I'm happy to find it warm. Hours seem to pass and neither of us is keen to speak. Wind rises itself up to settle down again. And the only thing that shows the passage of time is the moon sweeping across the sky ignorant to anything and the rustle of water running through the bed.

I ask him disturbing the silence, "Why are you staring at the water? There's nothing to see." Silence. He doesn't reply. I guess he didn't hear the question. Or he ignored it. I drift away again lost in my worries. I don't want my love to get sick. Now even a harmless cold can have severe consequences. I'm contemplating how to bribe Sirius to come home when I hear his hoarse voice speak up, "It seems so dull, doesn't it? Just like my life. But there are colors there," He raises his hand and points, "colors I even can't name since I didn't know they existed. Maybe there are colors in my life after all. Maybe there is something they didn't take away." He sounds bitter.

I know I shouldn't be hurt, nonetheless, I am. What about me? Am I colorless to him? I can't but feel a little betrayed at his words, even if they are justified and I know what he meant by them. He probably senses my discomfort because he turns his gaze away and looks at me with that shy smile tugging on his lips I've come to appreciate so much. His warm hand touches my cheek and I lean into it trying to imprint it in my head in case he'll desert me sooner than I want him to go.

"You are the sunshine in my life Draco… Don't you ever forget."

And just like that I am ridiculously happy again. I whimper into his caress eager to feel his warmth everywhere in this cold night air.

I sigh satisfied with the revelation and put my head on his shoulder while he has his arm around my waist stroking my side lightly. And then he would stare. And I would stare with him; anxious to see what he does, anxious to feel, anxious to remember this moment when I will spent the future November nights alone, yearning for my only love to come back and warm me.

He fills my life with so much warmth and joy. He knows me better than anyone else. I never regret the moments that I spent with him. I never regret anything we have had together. And when my time will come, I'll go fearlessly, knowing that I will reunite with him wherever that place we go after death is.

For now I just live and cherish every day we have left. Yet, I can sense that our last days together are coming to an end.

I'll miss him so much.

Koniec

By: oV


End file.
